Wounded Bird

My little baby cousin (LBC) called to share his relationship woes. I’m very protective of all my LBCs so of course I promptly got on my hands and knees and pulled the gun case out from under my bed. “Go on, Sweetie, tell your big cousin what happened,” I said while doing a quick spit and polish of my ergonomically correct semi-automatic Walther P99 AS.

As he went on it became increasingly apparent that none of the breakup was his fault. None of it. I wondered if the breakup was in fact my fault. Had I raised him to be too perfect? Then I remembered that nothing is ever my fault. So I blamed god, and the chick.

At some point he said, “Pardon my language…” Yes, he said "pardon." I also raised him to open doors and walk streetside of his partners. “…I think all women are crazy bitches and all men are assholes,” he lamented. All women? Nooooo. Although, I do have a vague recollection of my last girlfriend calling me a “selfish elitist bitch!” Can you imagine. Me an elitist?? Ridiculous. I’m not an elitist. I’m the one who wanted to pay our maid double. No doubt it would have stopped her from stealing quarters from the coin jar. But I digress—I’m a woman and I’m not crazy. That’s my point. Oh and here are some songs:

Darn my online player for not having Landon Pigg's acoustic version of "Can't Let Go":

1. I’m a Broken Heart—The Bird and The Bee

2. Be Be Your Love—Rachael Yamagata

3. Keep Me Warm—Ida Maria

4. Lonely—Frente!

5. They—Jem

6. Breathe In—Frou Frou

7. Gone Gone Gone—Robert Plant & Alison Krauss

8. Paint It Black—Rolling Stones

9. Forget Her—Jeff Buckley